And Now, Your Worst Halloween Costume Stories

We were living in Chicago when I was six, and I chose to be a ghost for Halloween. I made the costume myself, because cutting two holes in a sheet seems like an easy task. Of course, I had to cut a third eyehole, because my first two were off-alignment. I also failed to consider the fact that a ghost costume has… » 10/31/14 11:36am Today 11:36am

And Now, Your Most Horrifying Stories Of Being Caught Masturbating

I'm gonna tell the Price Is Right story now, because I don't think I've ever told it in full, so here goes (deep breath): I had just transferred to a new college, and my roommate was a year ahead of me. Football player. Perfectly nice dude. We weren't buddy buddies, but we managed to co-exist amiably. Anyway, the… » 10/24/14 4:20pm 10/24/14 4:20pm

The Hater’s Guide To Your Local Halloween Store

Every year, when October rolls around, some enterprising fellow in my area rents out an abandoned Dollar Tree and turns it into a pop-up Halloween Megastore, resplendent with costumes and decorations and fitting rooms that almost certainly now house the Ebola virus. Almost everything in these stores costs $30 or… » 10/23/14 3:02pm 10/23/14 3:02pm

Great Moments In Barf History

I barfed last night. To be more precise, I barfed in five different locations. The first two were test barfs. I was at this Japanese barbecue joint with some friends—the kind of place where you can get skewers of meatballs and chicken parts grilled on a hibachi for two bucks each, and wash them all down with a lot of… » 10/16/14 3:49pm 10/16/14 3:49pm

Hey, Bill Simmons, Come Work For Us!

Bill Simmons's three-week suspension from ESPN ends on Wednesday, and there is already a lot of conjecture about how the suspension has affected his relationship with higher-ups at ESPN, and if he will stay with the network when his contract is up next year. He could stay at ESPN. He could go to Bleacher Report (NOTE:… » 10/09/14 3:06pm 10/09/14 3:06pm