What Are We Being Ordered To Care About Instead Of That Goddamn Dress?

The Rule of the Internet is that when people argue about something silly, like the color of a goddamn dress, an army of remarkably irritating people will amass to counter that phenomenon and remind you that you are a shallow cock for worrying about the color of a dress. Let's meet these smarm merchants now, shall we? » 2/27/15 11:10am Today 11:10am

How To Tweet If You Are A Famous Athlete 

Last week, current Niners QB and future miserable player on a 4-12 team Colin Kaepernick got into a Twitter beef with random Twitter user Stephen Batten (Twitter handle @battman_returns, which is a weak handle when @BattenDownTheSnatches was right there for the taking). It started when Kaep tweeted out his daily… » 2/23/15 3:05pm Monday 3:05pm

The Hater’s Guide To The 2015 Oscars

Every year, the Oscars come along, and it becomes more evident that the Oscars are the worst live event on television. Other award shows are smart enough to jettison technical categories, get the nominees shitfaced, and encourage poor wardrobe choices. Meanwhile, these things are still as self-important as ever… » 2/19/15 12:05pm 2/19/15 12:05pm

The Hater’s Guide To Chuck E. Cheese’s

I have a son who turned six a few weeks ago, and we needed to do something to acknowledge the milestone, even though turning six doesn't really mean anything. I have long been an advocate for the abolition of BIG BIRTHDAY, but kids have a knack for teaming up with the Birthday Industrial Complex to wear you down. … » 2/13/15 2:50pm 2/13/15 2:50pm

It Happened To Me: I Tried To Fight A Mirror

I'm gonna tell this story again, because it's the dumbest thing that's ever happened to me, and no one at Gawker Media believes that anyone could be so stupid. But I was. Again, this will be very difficult to explain, because it requires LAYERS of idiocy on the part of the protagonist (that would be me), but I swear… » 2/12/15 4:05pm 2/12/15 4:05pm

Peter King Defends Hall Of Fame’s Right To Honor Alleged Serial Rapist

The NFL season is over, which means it's probably a good time for big-time NFL writers to go home and take a nap. And it seems no certified water-carrier needs a break more than SI's Peter King, who took to Twitter last night to defend the Hall of Fame candidacy of … alleged serial rapist Darren Sharper? Please note… » 2/04/15 11:48am 2/04/15 11:48am

Brooklyn Man Takes Big Ol' Dump Outside Supermarket

I'm gonna go ahead and warn you right now that this video shows a man pooping in public. And it's not subtle or anything. You don't have to go searching the frame for the moment the poop arrives. But I tell you: It's the best goddamn poop video I've ever seen. By a grand measure. I don't regret watching this man… » 2/04/15 11:15am 2/04/15 11:15am

Counterpoint: Tom Brady Is One Of The Best Of All Time, Moron 

I knew there would be a lot of shitty hot takes in the wake of yesterday's titanic Super Bowl. But I didn't know that the worst take of all would come from THIS VERY WEBSITE, from the otherwise perfectly reasonable Barry Petchesky. Barry is a Giants fan, so maybe his brain has been wadded up with municipal pothole… » 2/02/15 2:45pm 2/02/15 2:45pm

44 Lies Roger Goodell Told In His Press Conference Today

  1. "It has been a season of amazing competition, challenges and real progress."
  2. "The NFL is made up of good and caring people."
  3. "We are doing more to protect our players from unnecessary risks."
  4. "Concussions were down 25%."
  5. "The quality of the game continues to improve."
  6. "Last year, technology improved officiating."
  7. "The…
  8. » 1/30/15 3:35pm 1/30/15 3:35pm