Down With America's Kid-Competition Complex

I was at a parent's night at my kid's school a couple of years ago—one of those things where you go to the school at night to meet the kid's teacher and eat a cookie and listen as the teacher tells you all the shit they do in class every day, and then you nod your head in approval. "Ah, yes. MUSIC TIME. That will… » 7/15/14 11:08am 7/15/14 11:08am

LeBron James Tells The Sports World Exactly What It Wants To Hear

Shortly after LeBron James announced via Sports Illustrated that he was heading back to Cleveland, Yahoo's Adrian Wojnarowski fired off this tweet, which, given the stature of his pronouncements at times like this, had the general air of a collective verdict: » 7/11/14 5:46pm 7/11/14 5:46pm

Denver Post Columnist Writes The Hottest LeBron Take Ever

In a world where even Dan Shaughnessy will hedge against his own stupidity, we desperately need a local newspaper columnist who isn't afraid to dish out the kind of moral rectitude and one-sentence KABOOM paragraphs that will put the sporting world back on the path to righteousness. We need a hero. We need the… » 7/11/14 10:24am 7/11/14 10:24am

Why Redshirting Your Kindergartener Is Dumb

Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we're covering headphone farts, dog brains, professional button mashing, and more. » 7/08/14 2:40pm 7/08/14 2:40pm

Legendary Shark Puncher Louis Zamperini Dies

Louis Zamperini died Wednesday in Los Angeles. He was 97. You may remember Zamperini from Laura Hillenbrand's bestselling biography of him, Unbroken, which everyone read and then yelled at you to go read. There are many completely insane things that happen in Unbroken. Zamperini becomes a famous collegiate track… » 7/03/14 3:25pm 7/03/14 3:25pm

Why Do So Many Sportswriters Love Bruce Springsteen?

Hello. My name is Drew, and I think Bruce Springsteen is just OK. I have never bought one of his albums. I have attended one of his concerts (I was shitfaced), but only one. I used to practice singing "Brilliant Disguise" in the shower when I was in high school so that I could serenade a girl with it. Any girl,… » 7/01/14 10:58am 7/01/14 10:58am

Great Moments In Terrible Summer Jobs

My first summer job was working at a Little Caesar's in Torrington, CT. Here's a quick pro-tip for all you college kids out there who need a way to pay for beer next semester: NEVER take a restaurant job where cheese is highly prevalent. Pizza, Mexican food, some artisanal fondue joint, etc. I had to spend hours… » 6/30/14 12:54pm 6/30/14 12:54pm

How To Bandwagon Like You Mean It

We're all born bandwagon fans. We're born without loyalties, and without any sense of obligation to one team or another. Your dad might dress you up in a ROLL TIDE onesie, but that doesn't automatically make you a rabid devotee to the cause. We all begin our relationship with sports casually. There's always that… » 6/23/14 1:00pm 6/23/14 1:00pm

"Go, OJ, Go!": Liveblogging The White Bronco Chase, 20 Years Later

Unlike many people, I don't remember where I was when OJ Simpson took off on that infamous Bronco ride back in 1994. It was summer, so I was probably at my folks' house asking my mom to buy me lots of Killian's Irish Red for freshman year. I remember watching the sheriff on ESPN say that police were "actively"… » 6/18/14 5:37pm 6/18/14 5:37pm

The World Cup Is Your Kid’s Last Hope

I have three kids, and I have resigned myself to the fact that they will never be sports fans in the way that I am a sports fan. They'll never waste time perusing box scores in the newspaper because newspapers are old and dead. They'll never pledge loyalty to one local team because they have fantasy teams and Red Zone… » 6/17/14 3:39pm 6/17/14 3:39pm